Yesterday’s dream, today’s HU Meditation, I have come to realize my greatest struggle: my fighting nature. I realized that if I don’t make changes, I’ll incarnate again as someone struggling and fighting against others — a never ending battle. My character flaw is that I don’t like to be bullied, well who doesn’t, right? But with me I also struggle to get the words out, so my fight becomes one of online comments, or creative images or music targeting opposing factions with messages sure to trigger. Deep down I know this is wrong. All this fight to defend others or myself, is rooted in ego. It’s time to let go. To surrender.

Look to the life lesson as it renders out in the words of others. They may be cruel, disheartening, without compassion. They can only affect the real me, to the degree I allow it. Yes, I can be robbed financially. I can be hurt bodily. But I choose how it will affect my peace of mind, my reactions.

It is that reactive nature that is the problem. It requires surrender. Not just a surrender to the Mahanta, to the Sugmad, but to life itself (and all therein). I must surrender my reactive nature so that when someone wrongs another, I don’t get triggered into an onslaught of attack against their faith, their politics. Instead, I should humbly pray for both sides. Why? Because karmically, each and every conflict is begotten by the other. We are in endless spirals of birth-death-rebirth, in conflict with the ones before. Over and over again people spill into the same dynamics. Instead of choosing sides, I need to find compassion for both.

To find compassion for both sides requires surrender.

Surrender doesn’t imply giving up on Truth or Spiritual Awareness, but rather the embodiment of these very ideals. Surrender is the giving up of human emotion that clouds the space with reasons to continue a battle that has no goal, other than a hidden spiritual self-destruction under the guise of “standing up” for myself (or others).

I know the Mahanta is real. I know the Sugmad is real. These concepts I knew by different names in the greatest points of my spiritual past. I used to call the Mahanta, my Higher Self. Sugmad was the true God, the eternal God. Not the fabrication in human invented writings, that reflect a god of human characteristic (angry, wrathful, hateful, jealous), but one that is beyond all human emotion. One who is purity itself. I had no name for that God back then, but today I do. None of this belief is lost in surrender, because the true surrender is not one of surrendering gnosis (or spiritual truth), but surrendering the human element that is overly reactive.

Look at the reactive nature all around us right now…. Churches reacting to non-believers, pulpit pounding their theology in a form of aggression with social-political directives. Opposing them, reactive people who flip out over the pulpit pounders, screaming their insults and casting their own dispersions. A rift forms in each of their hearts. They may not know they hate, but the hate is evident in the words and vibration of tone. They are hostile, one towards another, to no end.

I must get out of the cycle, and the way out is the surrendering of response, of reaction.