I got angry today. I lost my cool. Truth be told I was triggered by something I saw on YouTube. What I saw was a Christian YouTube channel that was pushing a political bias. Yes, I know, some people need different paths to God, but there’s a problem when the path doesn’t lead to anything but the power of this earth…. Call it Satan, or Kal… that is the god most Christians worship, they just put the mask of Jesus on its face. They preach kindness, but hand out punishment. They talk up love, but speak in lies. They call others “cults” while they stand in a glass house of strange belief themselves.

In my frustration I wrote a comment on the video, noting the bias, the cruelty of the speaker and so on. To be honest I felt alone. Very alone. I no longer feel like I participate in society. I feel like a strange in a strange land. A world that has gone crazy for a political leader, turning him into a demi-god, or the other part that lives in hatred of the same man. There is no balance anymore. The world is a constant point of hatred.

Then I watched Pluribus on AppleTV. The story (spoilers) is about an alien message that is a genetic sequence that when synthesized it creates a virus that spreads from person to person. In the end the population of the earth all think and behave the same. Like a mind virus everyone is connected with a shared consciousness. They aren’t evil or cruel, rather they live in a blissful state of servitude the few people who are immune to the virus.

As I watched the main actress, her anger, her lashing out, her frustration… I realized that’s me. I am feeling lost and alone. I try to reach out to others in art… and I can’t seem to connect. I try in spirituality and I can’t seem to connect. I try to avoid the masses as they crawl all over their hatred of others, or hatred of the man symbolizing the spearhead of hate… and I can’t. they are everywhere. They preach in pulpits, talk on TV, they rule social media…

I feel alone, like Carol (the character from the show). I’ve lost everyone. My old spiritual friends are constantly triggered by extreme political spirituality. My family is the angry, hateful Christian church goer. I keep lashing out because I feel so alone.

I know there is a Mahanta. I know it helps. I know there are Eckists… but they are hard to find. But the spiritual path and effort is my only hope as no part of this world will bring me comfort.